The requirements needed for a candidate to run for president are few and simple: the candidate must have been born in the United States; the candidate must have United States citizenship; and the candidate must be 35 years of age. Literally anyone who meets these requirements could run for president or any political position if they wanted too; for example, American performance artist, anarchist, and activist Vermin Supreme. Vermin Love Supreme (and yes, that is in fact his legal name), an art school dropout who for a time worked as a booking agent for underground bands, entered into politics in 1987 when he began to run for public office. Throughout his political career, Mr. Supreme ran for mayor of Baltimore, Detroit, and Mercury, Nevada as an independent. Additionally, he campaigned as one of the lesser-known candidates in the 2004, 2008, and 2012 presidential elections (as a Republican in ’08 and as a Democrat in ’12).
Supreme has not tasted any success during his presidential campaigns (receiving only 149 votes in 2004, 43 votes in the 2008 Republican primary, and 833 in 2012), and yet, his eccentric antics and abnormal campaign platform have garnered him much attention. Moreover, he has become a viral phenomenon.
In recent years, there have been many political personnel who have made a name for themselves for their spastic behavior (Jimmy McMillan of “The Rent is Too Damn High Party” comes to mind), but Vermin Supreme takes the cake for being the biggest odd-ball of any politician to ever enter politics. In public and in political debates, Supreme wears a long black boot for a hat, an abundance of colorful ties around his neck, and a beard resembling Dumbledore of the Harry Potter film series. Ever since 2000, Supreme has labeled himself the “Emperor of the New Millennium”. He continues to do so, and it has become a focal point of his political campaigns.
Supreme’s actions gained notable attention in 2012 during the U.S. presidential elections. Some of Supreme’s landmark achievements during the campaign involved him participating in a satirical debate against a representative of the campaign of deceased British occultist Aleister Crowley, glitter-bombing fellow Democratic candidate Randall Terry at a Lesser-Known Democratic Candidates Presidential Forum (claiming Jesus told him to “turn Terry gay”), and receiving 833 overall votes.
Supreme’s campaign platform is odd yet diverse. He claims that if he is elected president, he will pass a law requiring all people to brush their teeth. “Gingivitis has been eroding the gum line of this great nation long enough,” explains Supreme. He also claims that our country has been suffering a great “moral and oral decay, in spirits and incisors.” Supreme hopes that by establishing a new mandatory tooth-brushing law, the country will finally be able to “Bite the bullet, and together make America a sea of shining smiles, from sea to shiny sea.”
One of the more relevant issues that Mr. Supreme plans to address is the nation’s increasing dependence on foreign oil. His solution: to harness the power of zombies to create energy by using them in conjunction with turbines. Supreme is also a staunch supporter of the Federal Pony Identification Program; a program that intends to provide every American with a free pony. Not only will the ponies decrease the dependence of foreign oil, but they will also be utilized as a new means of identification. If enforced, all Americans will be required to have their ponies with them at all times.
In regard to his ludicrous campaign platform and antics, it is quite likely that Vermin Supreme will never become president. However, the oval office is not Mr. Supreme’s intended destination. So why does he run for president? According to Vermin Supreme, he does it so that he can mock the political system. For example, at the Lesser Known Candidates Presidential Forum, Supreme described himself by saying, “I’m a friendly fascist, I’m a tyrant that you should trust, and you should let me run your life because I know what’s best for you.”
While many of his satirical campaigns are directed at mocking politicians, Supreme gives the public voters a bad name as well. 833 votes will never be enough for Supreme to become president, however, it is unnerving to see that votes directed to a complete joke of a politician are increasing. Although the chances of Supreme becoming president are slim at best, voters seem to be more fickle compared with previous presidential elections, due in large part, to the influence of the media. Voters seem to be easily swayed by candidates based on trivial matters rather than the important issues. The voting public neglects to understand that politics, though imperfect, are an essential part of life in the United States and should be taken seriously.
At the end of his opening argument, Vermin Supreme did have one helpful piece of advice for the American public: “Vote early, and vote often, because a vote for Vermin Supreme is a vote completely thrown away.”
No comments:
Post a Comment